Rebuild Your Way Out of a Rock Bottom

Hello and welcome to embrace the madness. We are back with another episode. It hopefully you can't hear the wind, but today the wind is like 20 plus miles an hour and it literally just felt like we were in wizard of Oz for a second. So I think we should be good, though. How's everybody doing? It's so good to be back recording. I feel like obviously you could see, but I just wasn't really in a space to feel like I could show up and share and really, I think a lot of it I mean, I feel like it's like a chicken and the egg situation. I feel like there was a lot that I needed to process, but then I also feel like the podcast was always a way for me to process. So either way, we're back. That's all that matters. And if you did not already listen to it, I just recently posted a whole tell all about I mean, I did tell all, but a whole podcast episode dedicated to our move not working out. If you've been following along, you saw I was leaving my hometown and moving to a new place, and when we got there, the house was flooded. I had to cancel the lease. It was a lot. But yeah, you can check out all of that in my last episode if you want to know all about it. We are super glad to say that we are finally settling in and getting our lives back together. And it was rough for a second and I'm super grateful to have my space set up and my studio bag in action, baby. Recording podcasts and yeah, sharing my experiences embracing the Madness so that you can learn how to embrace your own madness. I got the air horn a lot today. It's either me being excited or me filling space. So I'll let you decide which one you think it is today. I wanted to I guess with the whole shit happening with our house, I feel like this idea of feeling like you're really low and you're at a rock bottom is something that we unfortunately experience as humans. And I was thinking, I was like, is that even like a human thing? But really I think it's probably just a result of being highly evolved. I was just thinking, like, do animals go to a rock bottom? But then I feel like there's not really societal pressure or needs or needing to pay bills, things like that. So it might be a human thing, but it also might be like a 21st century human thing. Either way, I thought it was a relevant relative related experience that we all kind of go through at any given time in our life and that we experience these moments that can be so devastating. But from my perspective, I feel like we have a lot to learn there and maybe this episode can help you if you are in a rock bottom or if you've ever been in a rock bottom. My hope is that this episode can kind of help you guide your way through it and ask yourself questions and begin to reframe this devastating experience. Maybe in a way that could be beneficial for you, in a way that could help you grow, really just to help you get through this experience so that you are not experiencing all the yucky feelings that come with rock bottoms. So let's go ahead and get into it. If you have never heard of a rock bottom, I think it's one of those colloquial terms. It's just kind of this idea when you are feeling at your lowest, you feel like nothing can get worse than where you're at now. You feel maybe depressed. You feel isolated for sure. Sometimes in my life when I felt like I was in a rock bottom, I was drinking and driving and facing the aftermath. For me, that was a rock bottom. I had felt so much shame and so much guilt and anger, just the gamut of emotions, and I didn't really know how much worse I could get. Like, I literally just blacked out and wrecked my car. And it was a lot, but things like that, I experienced the time when I quit my jobs and I didn't really have a source of income and didn't really know where that was coming from. And I think that was really fear inducing for me, just feeling like, oh, my goodness, I am the worst person. Why can't I get my shit together? Why don't I have a stable job like the rest of the people? Why? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And those are really hard moments to be in when you literally feel like nothing could get worse. You literally feel like you're at the bottom. At least when I think of rock bottom, I think of like a mountain and then a valley. There's the wind, a mountain and a valley and being at the depths of the valley and you're just like, there's literally nowhere else I can go. I mean, you could dig, but we're not digging today. But yeah, it's just like that feeling. And if you've been there and if you are there, then you know exactly what I'm talking about. And if you've never been in one, then you are so very lucky. And maybe this episode can help you put tools in your tool belt so you can know what to expect or be able to recognize when you are in one. So I shared a couple of my personal experiences of being at a rock bottom. And really the whole thing is just when you feel uncomfortable and overwhelmed and really in this lowest of lowest of lowest places in your life. And it's at these points in our life when we realize like, dude, something's got to give. Something has to change. Like, I can't keep living like this. I can't. I just am so tired of being here in this this environment, in this space that's not fulfilling for me. And, yeah, I need to get out of here. I need to get out of here. I can't do this anymore. And so for me, at least, the next question that makes sense is like, oh, my goodness, holy cow, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore. You might not even be able to hear that, but we're saying a little prayer right now. 3323. So, yes, my next question is, like, well, how did I get here? What was the chain of the chain reaction to get me to this, like, place? Like, how did I get here? Let's take a back step. Like, what the fuck? So I do want to say that I think that there are systems of supremacy and oppressive systems. And I think that this is not necessarily me talking about, oh, just wish your way out of a shitty situation, or it's just your mindset that you need to get out of poverty or any other experience that is created due to these systems of oppression. This is talking about kind of like, I'm going to say self inflicted. But I just hope that makes sense. And I do want to clarify because I do think that there are situations in the society that we currently live in that are harmful to many of the citizens and the people that live here. And I don't want to ever take those oppressive systems off the hook because I'm all in favor of dismantling these systems. And I give this podcast and my experience as a means of empowerment and any kind of guidance to help anyone who's in a shitty situation to feel empowered to change things or get to a better place in their circumstances. I completely understand and acknowledge that a rock bottom could very definitely be a privileged experience. And I just want to help people who feel like they are in these situations to feel empowered to change, whether it's a thought pattern or a behavior that they are making, taking an action that they are taking. So I just wanted to clear that out of the way because I think there's definitely harm that's created from these. And I also feel like sometimes we are our own worst enemy and can create causes and conditions for rock bottoms in our lives. So, like I was saying, I think that if we are not tuning in with ourselves and checking in and kind of having this reflective mindset within our lives, that we can easily find ourselves in a rock bottom. And for me, like, when I think of a thought pattern or behavior that maybe caused me to have a rock bottom is like, okay, well, taking the drinking and driving example, that was me. One, feeling like I needed to drink to the point where I wasn't conscious, and two, not checking in with myself, ignoring my needs again, ignoring my needs to the fact of me just literally not being conscious again. And these were my own blind spots, like my own ways that I was getting in my way. Another thing too, could be like, me not checking in with my spending habits, me not making intentional choices and decisions with how I'm choosing to spend my money. Like, I have to be accountable at some point for my actions and take responsibility for things that I might be doing that's actually causing harm in my own life. And like I said, these habits and behaviors, if we don't hold ourselves accountable or check in with ourselves, we could easily find ourselves in or on our way to a rock bottom. And I think we all have behaviors and ways of thinking that we didn't just intentionally choose. It's not like we're like, oh yeah, I'm going to have a rock bottom today. I think totally. We have to understand that everything we know is learned. And so it is true that we might have learned these harmful ways of being or ways of thinking, and we also have to, you know, own up to that and reflect and say, okay, well, let me, let me look. Maybe I haven't been checking in with myself in regards to my spending. And I also acknowledge that I was either taught to manage my money or I wasn't. And I think this is also another little asterisk of like it's not like we're trying to blame others. I think we're just looking at the truth of the situation. The truth of the situation is I learned these behaviors and these thought patterns and I am currently engaging in a way that is not in my best interest. And so I have the power to make a decision and make a new choice. Does that make any sense? Hopefully that's resonating with you on some level because I think one of the biggest things is not shaming ourselves for being in this space. And there is like a fine line of needing to take responsibility for ourselves and our decisions and our actions. For me, I had to take responsibility for drinking and driving. There's no other way. I made the decision to drink alcohol and I made the decision to get in a car. You know what I mean? And it's not to say that the shame won't come. And this happened, I guess not ten years ago. I don't even remember. Maybe I don't remember. But I had to take accountability. And yes, I think shame was one of the biggest things that I had to experience. I think it was like 2014. I remember I was in college. But in order for me to make any headway on getting out of this situation, like, I had to first learn to look at it as a neutral thing. And this could be possibly the hardest part because there's a lot of shame that comes with making bad decisions. There's a lot of shame that comes with knowing that we did something that led to this not working out. I think there's so much room for shame and guilt. But being in a rock bottom does not mean you are a bad person. And I think that if we start to identify with that narrative or start shaming ourselves or just like, man, it's all my fault, I did this to myself, blah, blah. Like, those are things that our parents used to tell us. Like, those are ways that our parents and society have told us and made us feel. To feel bad about what we've done, to feel shame, to feel like we're in trouble. And for me, this is like, the first step of how to get out is, like, learning to detach yourself from what's happening. And I mean that by, like, being able to take a step backwards and just, like, look at rock bottom just as its own little thing. I'm excited to get video recordings on my podcast. This one is still audio, but you can see all my little gestures and stuff. So I'm like gesturing a little entity that is rock bottom. But getting to this place where we can look at what's happening neutrally. And I think for me, definitely being able to look at what I've done and look at myself without shame has taken so much time. And this is something that is super helpful to be able to dissect and talk through, like a professional, a mental health professional, a counselor, things like that. Because for some of us, we just have a lot in there. And for me, what's helped is to know that just by being inherently human, we are coming with this range of emotions. And so shame is universal. Guilt is universal. I promise you are not alone in experiencing those feelings, because to me, those are universal. And I think we all, in some degree kind of experience that at least like in our Western society. So learning to not identify with this narrative because I think when we do identify with it, we get stuck and we get trapped and we just get in these loops of, it's all my fault, how could I do this? Blah, blah, blah, blah. And really just reminding yourself that a rock bottom is something that many people experience. But learning this and realizing this, we get to see this universal experience as an opportunity, and I'll get to that in a second. But before we're done looking at, like, a rock bottom, I think it's so important too. If shame and guilt are coming up, notice that. If sadness is coming up, notice that. If you are confused, if you are freaking out, if you're excited for some reason, I think it's so important to just begin to notice what our thoughts are, begin to notice how we are responding to things. Like, for me, when I had to take accountability for, like, how I messed like, met I messed up. I made a bad decision for a long time. I had to notice, like, all the thoughts that were coming up, like, why was I feeling shame? Why was I feeling so guilty? And there's a myriad of ways, like, why I would feel shame about drinking and driving. Like, we have a whole we have a whole society that, you know, condemns people for for making bad decisions. And I mean, and rightly so, like, making a conscious I mean, it might not even be conscious, but going out and doing that and creating an instance of where potential harm could be caused, I do think we have to be at least holding ourselves accountable. But yeah, start to notice, like, okay, well, what am I feeling about this? Or how do I relate to my rock bottom? Journaling has been super helpful, and writing it down even like, if you're talking to yourself in a room. Like, for me, I'm just talking in a microphone right now. But really getting these ideas that are bouncing around in our head onto paper and out so they're not just like, blood in our brains seriously helps so much. And if you do have the privilege of speaking with the professional, this is how that is helpful. We can begin to put together some sort of how we're feeling and just get it out there. And even sometimes then we can hear ourselves and we're like, wait, why do I think that? Oh, I literally just heard myself say something that doesn't make sense or anything like that. But really getting an understanding of how you're relating to your experience in your rock bottom is like, a very important part of getting out, I feel like. And then once you've begun to kind of create this dialogue with yourself, what if you started to consider another way of thinking? What if you considered a new perspective? What if this rock bottom is telling you that you are at the very beginning of a new way of being? Maybe you are starting a new chapter. A lot of times when we feel a rock bottom, we're like, oh, well, I can never do this again. I want to make sure this never happens again. And that's kind of like starting a new way of being, like, I'm not going to let this happen again. I think beginning to reframe how you look at your rock bottom is kind of the catalyst for picking ourselves back up so that we do feel empowered to make new decisions and make new choices. I started looking at my rock bottoms as like, okay, well, if this is the end, then this is the end. Maybe I have a new blank canvas. Like, maybe now that, you know, I can't get any lower than this, like the cliche, like, we can only go up from here. I've started to see things maybe happening for a reason. And maybe this is, like, in my specific example. Like, maybe this is a cry for help from my soul, myself. Like, maybe this isn't working out because it's not supposed to. Maybe this isn't what I'm supposed to be doing. Maybe this is the end of, like, my reckless spending. Maybe this is the end of me working a job that I hate. Maybe this is someone looking out for me and giving me an exit. What if all this stuff was happening for my best interest? What if this rock bottom was here to teach me? Like, there can be another way? Can you start to see this as a new opportunity to go in that direction you've always wanted to go? How are you learning about yourself? And all of this takes time too. It's not all just going to happen in ten minutes or even a month. Maybe it could take you time to think about and reflect, because sometimes we are so deep in ourselves and what's happening that all we really need is just space. Like, we don't even need to ask questions. We just need time and space to just feel and to just breathe through this. I think another powerful perspective of a rock bottom is, like, you now can start anew going towards what you do want. And if this rock bottom is, like, everything that you absolutely hate and you don't want this and you are done with this, where do you want to be? Where do you want to go? What do you want to feel? Do you want to feel, like, clear? Do you want to feel certain? Do you want to feel peaceful? Do you want to feel happy? Do you want to feel excited? Start thinking about the opposite of the rock bottom. What would be the best case scenario if you could do a little magic wand? Like, what would you want to be happening right now? And by identifying that and figuring that out, we can start to build that bridge. We can start to figure out what could it take for me to get there? How can I see this rock bottom as, like, an open door to a new chapter? Maybe all this is happening because this job was hurting me. This job was toxic for me. Maybe the way that I've been going about my life the last few years hasn't really been in line with who I want to be and what I want out of life. And all of this is okay. It's so important, too, to remember that you're not a bad person because you're here. And yes, you might have made decisions or didn't make decisions, and all of this got you to where you are now, but maybe try on a new perspective. Maybe this is when you start believing in yourself. Maybe this rock bottom was an end to not choosing yourself, not standing up for yourself. Maybe this rock bottom is a gift for you to start creating what you do want and tying it all back together. I really do. And I've been learning this over the years. Like, we have so much cool stuff about us and we have so much wisdom. I really think we all do. We are just bombarded with distractions and stimuli. And I really do think we all have this beautiful wisdom that we can all tap into. And I think this wisdom guides us to where we want to truly go and really trusting that this is teaching you about yourself, that this is teaching you about what you don't want or don't want to tolerate anymore. Use this opportunity to build yourself back up, to remember that you're capable of overcoming this and really any obstacle. I know we're not often taught that or those thoughts are not always reinforced, but they're true. I think that we all are strong and capable, and I really do think we have so much wisdom inside of us that can help us navigate this. And I really do feel that we can use these experiences to create change in our lives and to make things better and to really, like, look at this as like, how could this be happening? For my best benefit, like, with the job thing, like, what if this job what if I got fired from my job? Because that job sucked. And I knew that and I wasn't listening to that voice inside of me. I was trying to see how my recent experience with my house not working out. Like, how that if that was a rock bottom. And I think we couldn't have known that was going to happen. But I do think that that experience, that challenge taught me that there's something else out there. This isn't supposed to work. This isn't supposed to work. It was never supposed to work. And there's something else on the other side. And of course we all are like, well, how do I make sure this never happens again? If we do bounce back? No, not if. When we do bounce back, it seems like it would be natural. Like, well, how do I make sure I just never end up in this situation again? And I don't even know if we can prepare fully. I think that we just have to remember, just don't live there, don't live constantly. And that fear of things not working out or what if it's going to happen again. Because it goes back to, like, remembering who you are, remembering how capable you are, remembering that you have gotten through tough shit before and you will get through this. Trust that these are teaching you something. And you've learned a whole lot from this whole thing happening that you now can take with you on your journey forward. And, you know, Hindsight is 2020. You're going to be able to navigate these things feeling more equipped, feeling like, oh, I've been through this before. I can do this again. Learning to listen to yourself and learning to listen to that voice, learning to check in with yourself, knowing that I've learned a lot and I'm going to check in with myself because I remember what happened last time when I didn't. And also knowing that by checking in and looking at your life, knowing that you can see to make sure you're not kind of on that trajectory again. I think if we keep reflecting and keep in contact with ourselves, we will be able to see it's like a pilot flying a plane. Like we just have to keep our eyes on the situation we know we can see kind of ahead. I trust that I can check in with myself and know that I am making good decisions and I'll catch myself before I get there again. But also remembering that rock bottoms happen to everyone and it's not you and you're not a bad person. If it does happen again, I'm going to hit a rock bottom again, surely. I think it's just a part of life, but when we keep coming back to what is true for us and what is meaningful for us, there's no way we won't figure it out. I hope this helped. It definitely got me thinking of like, oh well, I know I'm not the only one who goes through shit shows. Like I think we all do. And sometimes if we're kind of stuck in our way of thinking, we don't really know how to get out and what to do to get out. So I just wanted to share what I've learned from my experiences and how I've navigated rock bottoms in my life. But let me know what you think. You can always leave a review on itunes if you go to Embrace the Madness. It's a beautiful pink bright podcast logo and yep, five star reviews, baby. I've also got a shopify, you can find that in the show notes. Patreon. Also, I've still got that going if you feel like supporting me on my journey. We've got lots of cool products in the shopify, shop workbook, workshops and I'm excited to keep building. Stay tuned. Also, I am going to host a free three day workshop that is all about how to take these ideas that are floating in your head and bringing them to life, like building a brand, or starting a business or growing your art or making a cookbook, anything literally. Like I want to help you get your ideas out on paper, out into the world so you can start living your life and helping others and sharing your light and your love and all the ways that you want to. Thank you so much for tuning in. I'm going to be posting more regularly. I am getting a new microphone and I'm super excited. Going to be doing video podcasts and yeah, I'm so grateful for you. Have a great rest of of your day and I'll talk to you soon. Bye.