Likes, Numbers, Views, Oh my! Redefining Social Media for Artists + Creatives

Yo, what's up? What is up? Welcome to embrace the master. I got a different setup today. As you can see. I don't have that recording arm or whatever it's called. I just don't have the arm and I just have a microphone. Now it does feel a little bit different and vulnerable, but here we are, third video podcast. Got my little friend here. And yeah, I have a bed in my room. Now. This is new. I don't think I showed you all my setup when we first moved in, but it didn't have a bed in it. When Davis and I moved in together for the first time, we obviously just needed one bed. But we both had a memory foam bed and we didn't want to get rid of either of them just because, I don't know, we like having sleepovers and having our friends stay over and we always need another extra mattress. So it had been really just like living in a closet for the last, I don't know, two years because, I mean, yeah, we always needed a place to store it and we didn't really ever have room. So when we moved into this house, davis had like, tried to shove it in his closet, but it became a lot. And so I had this random idea one day and I was like, oh, well, I wonder if it would fit in my room. And at first it didn't really seem like it was going to fit. I've got two desks and a tall thing that I have my DJ set up on. So it really didn't look like it was going to work, but it worked. And I actually like it. I think the more I get to know myself and my body, I just don't like sitting at a desk for a long time. And I'm sure a lot of us are like that. And so I was like, hey, if it fits, it sits in my room. But yeah, this is actually like my college dorm comforter. So it had never really had a spot out. And I just think it's so cute. It's a win win, and I really have been liking it. It's only probably been like this for a couple of weeks. We brought it out for his B day and yeah, so this is what I got going. I'm kind of refiguring out how to get all my creative stuff situated because I had to move it around and it had to feel good. And I still have like a bunch of stuff that's just around and looking for a home. So it's going to take time. But yes, I got a bed now and it allows me to do cool stuff like this, like record a podcast right here. And I think it's getting closer to what I wanted out of like a video podcast because, you know, there's just so many video podcasts and everybody's just like, sitting across a table from a person having a conversation. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Since I do a lot of solo cast and stuff like that, I want to be comfortable. I want it to feel cozy. I want it to feel like I'm in my room chilling, because that's usually what I'm doing. When I'm recording a podcast. I don't know if this is permanent. I talked about I don't know, there's just something a part of me that likes difference and different things, and maybe something will stick. But for now, I really like and I know I keep fucking with my hair, but it just feels really staticy. And I'm not sure I was just like, I'm going to do a video podcast. And sometimes I'm like, I just woke up and my face looks puffy. But what I'm learning about myself is if I get an inspiration and I feel really strongly about it, I just have to go for it so I could record this whole thing and then look and be like, oh, I wish my face didn't look like that. But I have it set up over there a little bit. Okay. I do know that my I think the new shampoo that I got is I don't know, I try not to get it with the sulfates and the parabens, whatever those are, and really rubbing alcohol, any form of alcohol. Because if you think about it, alcohol displaces water and it's actually drying it out. And I have thick hair that doesn't need to be dried out. I'm also wondering if because my hair is used to the humidity of Memphis, that now that I'm in Nashville, it's like, what happened to our humidity? Because that's what happened when I went out to California, too. You're like, oh, this is great weather, but your bodies get used to where you live, and then it's not cooperating and all that jazz. Okay, so that's kind of an update of my life. I have been wanting to get back into podcasting. I am like, oh, what do I do? What did I do last time? And there's just a part of me that wants a lot of fluidity and flexibility. So I'm just kind of figuring out what that means. But for now, it's just like whenever an idea comes, an idea comes or anything like that, I just kind of go for it. But today I wanted to talk about, likes, social media, dopamine all of that stuff, because I have been one. I've started offering tarot readings. So if you want to get your tarot cards read, then you can do so I've got a link for that. It'll be in the description. And whenever I figure out how to do the cool buttons for YouTube videos, I'm still a baby. YouTuber, by the way, but also YouTube, too. So when you start posting, you're like, oh my God, nobody liked it. And it's like, I've been in social media for a long time. I mean, I'm a millennial, so we all had my space and even then it's crazy to think about how we divorce formed. I started to say formed and developed at the same time. Formed, developed this relationship with social media and likes and dopamine at such a young age. Like I'm just now realizing that I've noticed these feelings of anxiety and thing just come up and I've wanted to do a podcast on it for a while. I think maybe I was just waiting for me to set this bed up. It's definitely been a part of my journey just as a human on social media and a creative, an artist sharing their art with the world and really having to realize that the likes and the social media part of it is really completely separate. I've talked about it on the podcast before, but Julia Cameron wrote The Artist's Way and it's a really, really good book. It talks about the spirituality of creation and art and lots of really incredible stuff. I love that book so much. And we just have this creative part of our being that's kind of irrelevant of anything else. What I mean by that is we create art for ourselves and not really for other people, but we create it for other people, you know what I mean? So I've really been kind of looking into this just my whole experience as an artist, experience as a creative, and I think there's just a lot that I want to say. So here we are. I'll just say that I have definitely navigated this. I'm even presently, like I was just saying, navigating this this idea that we are nothing without likes, we are nothing without views. We aren't valid unless somebody validates us. You know what I mean? Yeah, I just wanted to talk about that journey and share how I've been feeling with you and let you know that you're not alone in having these feelings and yeah, maybe some things we can figure out to ameliorate that relationship, to make it less yucky, to make social media less yucky. Because the thing that I let me just give you context for my oral comm speech. I did it on the dangers of technology and that was because I think I mean, probably because it was important to me, but I think a lot of it was because my ex boyfriend was just on his phone all the time. So it was just an important topic to me because it's still true. I have to be careful of it too. Technology is this great tool, but we have responsibilities, we have to be careful with our relationship with it because we could get completely sucked in and maybe you want to get sucked in and that's to each his own. But I have found in my life creating balance with technology has been really important and making sure that I'm using it and not it using me. So I just shared that because I think I've just had a love hate relationship with social media, the Internet, technology, all of these things. And what's crazy is I've literally been doing computer stuff since I was so small. My grandparents had a computer. Either they got it after I was born, I think they always had Ms. Daw. So I grew up, like, playing where they didn't have a mouse. You could only do it with the keyboard. You would have to do, like, F one, F two, use the keyboard to navigate through the screen. And so I learned this I don't know, I was probably like four or three or probably as soon as I could get my hands on it, and then probably when I was four or five or I really don't remember the ages they got. Oh, maybe that makes sense. Five windows 98. Because yeah, Olivia was born in 98, and I'm five years older than her, so I've just always been around computers. My dad, for a big part of my life, has done computer systems, so we've just always had a computer. I just played it all the time. I remember pulling up, like, the control panel and all of the I used to just love playing with the settings. Like, what the fuck? I just laugh because I'm silly. But all that to say is, I've just had a really lengthy relationship with technology. I've been on the computer a lot as Millennials. We had MySpace Aim AOL. My mom had AOL for as long as I can remember. I remember when I had two hour limit every day. So all of that stuff, wow. It's so silly to think about. Maybe that gives me context and skin in the game, whatever that means, to be able to just become aware of my relationship with it. But especially now with Maddo, especially now with my podcast, it's something that doesn't really go away, or it's just very prevalent in 2023. In our society, we have integrated technology into our lives, and it's a part of how we share our art. It's a part of how we communicate with each other. It's a part of how we reach people across the globe. I lost my train of thought. I was just listening to the birds. My window is right next to a tree, and sometimes the birds are so loud, but it really makes me feel like I'm just in the woods or somewhere listening to birds. So it's really cool and special. So because this relationship with technology isn't going anywhere, and I think this was like a big kind of conclusion in my oralcom speech, is like, it's not going anywhere. And it's just becoming integrated with our day to day lives. I mean, we all basically have a cell phone that we're glued to and that we use to communicate with our family and our friends. And I have too many social media accounts. I have one for maddo one for Embrace Madness. I did have a personal Instagram, but I don't really get on that ever. So if you've responded or tried to talk to me, I'm sorry. I just did my YouTube channel and then I have a Facebook and an Instagram which is like connected to all of it. It's like weird. You can't have a page without a profile page. So there's just like a million different facets of me via social media all over. So it gets a little like I'm being pulled in a lot of places. That feels like a tangent. Where was I going? Yeah, so just I feel like I have had Likes and all this shit around me all the time and I mean, definitely I feel like we post stuff and we want people to like it. I'm thinking about MySpace, but it's like sad when people don't or we feel like no one's watching. That's really what starts happening is we make these assumptions based on how our posts have performed or yeah, how our video performs or how our picture is. And we see all of these creators or artists who have a million plays or 10 million followers or 200,000 followers, and it definitely starts to become a numbers game. I believe that our brain is always, like, wanting more. That can be in a dopamine sense, but I think also just part of our evolution is we are always growing and searching for expansion. And so sometimes I don't think that's anything to hold against ourselves, but I do understand, like, more that kind of greed and when that starts coming through. But I think it's natural for us to want to grow and to want to expand and gain followers and get people's attention because it does feel like sometimes that that is the way to success. That's what comes in my brain a lot. Like, oh, if no one sees this, no one's going to hear it and no one's going to hear it and no one's ever going to listen to your music. And it's crazy how it just snowballs really fast all of a sudden and you're like, no, I don't want to quit this. No, I don't want to give up. But at that point, your brain's like, it's never going to work, ever. At least I know I'm not alone. But it's sometimes, like, crazy because you're like, no, I just am trying to share. And that's what I've realized too. And maybe what I was trying to talk about earlier is like, we're not creating art for the sake of Likes. Or at least it's not a fulfilling way to create art because here's the thing, and this goes beyond social media too. When we look for validation outside of ourselves, it's like playing the lottery or gambling. It might and it might not, but you don't want to rely on that as your source of validation because what happens when no one validates you? What happens when people are in their shit and they don't feel like they can validate you, but it's like, it's not your fault that someone else can't validate you, but they're also not in a position to be able to validate. It just starts to get really sticky really fast. And so on my journey of healing, I've really found the importance of having to validate my own self, validate my own emotions, validate my feelings, validate my experience, because I grew up feeling very invalidated and feeling very alone. And those same beliefs from social media, I feel like those come from when I was a kid. Like, no one cares about me, no one likes me, no one likes my pictures. No one thinks I'm pretty. No one tells me I'm pretty. Just all of this stuff. And then we are giving all of our power to other people. We are giving power to, okay, well, my art will only be successful if these people on the Internet say so. And that's stupid. At least I think it is, because and, you know, I'm still learning. I'm still an artist on the journey. Like, I don't think the journey ever ends. I think we learn and we continue to learn and grow and return to these similar themes and patterns in our life. But I decided that I want to create my art for me, especially when I started writing music. I know I used to always show my sister them and be like, what do you think? What do you think? And of course, it probably sounded stupid, but you just have to be careful when you're like that with other people because not everything's going to resonate with the people that are close to you. Not everything's going to resonate with your friends. Not everything's going to resonate with the people that you grew up with, and not everything's going to resonate with everyone. That's something that I've had to realize, too. Like, I'm not going to get 100% approval of all people at all times. We live in a world, in a universe that at least I see it as dualistic. In that I believe for every person that thinks my music is cool or that I'm cool or what I create is cool, there's probably going to be an equal amount of people who think it's dumb or not cool or stupid or harmful. So I have to be okay learning to separate my validation and my feelings about my art from other people. And that's not even getting into business, because I think that's where shit starts to get tricky. And it's like you want to appeal to your consumer and your customer base. And I'm still trying to find the line, because as an artist, I think that you want to create stuff because you love it and you think it's cool, and that's how you express yourself. And like, I kind of lost my train of thought again. Welcome. Welcome. I might need to get some water, too, at some point. But anyway steal at my sailor moon. That's why I, like, move my hair, so you could see your face. Because we love Sailor Moon. Yeah, definitely. Learning to separate the art and the why you create it from the people around you. And yeah, going back to me writing my music, it took me probably two years plus, actually, I guess it's been five years now since I started playing around in Ableton. But I just really have gotten to the point where I don't think everything sounds dumb. And you could probably I think I've probably done podcasts about it because this whole journey brought up my perfectionism and made me deal with it. And I mean, I'm still dealing with it, but I just thought everything I made was dumb. And I think for so long I didn't realize that that's just like a commonality between artists because nobody really talks about that part. Nobody really always talks about the oh, yeah, this is a hard part. Or anyways, so I didn't know I thought I was, like, a bad person or a failure or a bad artist because I hated my stuff and you know, that only builds more like oh, well, if you hate your stuff, then how are you ever going to I don't know, just sorry. The birds are getting distracting, too, but they're pretty finally getting to a place where I don't hate everything I post, and I feel like I have, and maybe that's just, like, part of my life. Healing for perfectionism is just something that I'm doing actively and learning that it's a pillar of white supremacy and this whole patriarchal society and really seeing it as a systemic thing has helped me to make it feel less personal. Because I think that's the thing, because I didn't know that, oh, it's completely a million percent normal for an artist to feel very critical and judgmental of their work. Because I didn't know, because it just seemed like everybody was doing fine. I felt weird because I felt that way, or I felt like something was wrong with me because I just was having a hard time or it wasn't clicking, or I wasn't doing a good job and I've had to live with this my whole life. I do something and my brain tells me, well, it's not good enough. And I still, to this day, have to do there's so many thoughts that come in my head, oh, this video looks dumb, or dumb, blah, blah, blah. But we just have to learn to recognize that voice as not ours and know that it's not a part of us and know that it is kind of universal in that we all have this part of us that wants to criticize us or make us feel small to keep us safe. And that's what I love about the creative process and artists, just because this is so applicable to so many things that I've navigated in my life. Just never feeling not enough and never feeling good enough. Never feeling like, yeah, the stuff that I do is good enough or pretty enough. And if we don't have these underlying things in check when we go to social media, it's just going to amplify. I will say this journey has taught me to be more gentle with that process. Be okay with not getting likes, be okay with maybe people aren't meant to listen right now. Maybe people are still going through shit. Maybe people are still unlocking pieces of their puzzle, and then someday it will become relevant. But even then, your music is still incredible because it came from you. And I'm still implementing that in my mindset because my brain will be like, well, that's not incredible. That sounds kind of stupid, or nobody's going to like that. Or even with my most recent song that came out, I like it, and I feel like it came from my heart. I still sometimes worry and wonder, like, oh, if I don't get any plays, am I ever going to get any plays? And we just have to notice these thoughts. Like, we just have to notice all the things that come up and remind ourselves that we're creating this art because it's important that we find a way to express ourselves. We make this art because we like doing it. Whether or not someone likes it or approves of it, that's a big thing I had to realize, too. I think it's why I love TikTok so much is because when you're around just the people that you grow up with or yeah, anyone, your family, not everyone is going to be exactly like you. Not everyone is going to be into sparkly glittery stuff. Not everyone's going to be into weird alien noises. Not everyone's going to be into self improvement and healing and growing and talking about feelings. But it doesn't make me wrong, and it doesn't make me bad, and it doesn't mean I should stop because there are so many people out there that do care about those things, maybe less people that like all the things that I do, and that's okay. But I had to get over the fact that I am unique and have a way of communicating and expressing that only I can do. And that makes my art beautiful, just like it makes your art beautiful. Only you have a certain set of unique life experiences and influences and circumstances that make you who you are, and therefore you have a way of communicating and expressing yourself through art. I think everything's art, but we are unique whether people see it or not. We are valid whether people see it or not. Our art is special and beautiful whether people see that beauty or not. And this is a mindset that I have developed. I mean, to keep me sane, for one. But because putting our validation in other people is just not sustainable. If I based my life and my choices and my actions on whether people liked my Facebook post or not, who knows what the algorithm is doing on any given day? Like it could be that someone didn't see it and if I take that piece of data because that's what it is, data, and I say, oh, well, nobody liked this so I probably shouldn't keep going or I probably shouldn't try to build my thing. I probably shouldn't try to help anyone else because it's not helping anyone according to my zero likes. And that is just not for me. It's not the logic that I would like to use to base my things off of because this is something that I'm experiencing too, and just creating my business. It's officially like a year almost, I think in June, which is very soon. That's crazy and it is like a little baby. But I have all of these thoughts come up because I've never had a business or I've never tried to sell my art. And all of these thoughts come up and if I listen to those thoughts or those beliefs, because zero people liked my Facebook posts and I said, well, maybe I should just stop my business and stop what I'm doing because it doesn't look like I'm going to get any traction ever, then I would close my business. And do you imagine what if I don't get to help or connect with all of these people who were looking for what I was creating? I'll never know because I never kept going. I'll never know because I'll just never know. And that's something that TikTok has at least helped me realize and remember. And this is a blessing of social media and the internet. But just because there's not people in my local environment or local vicinity radius that are into what I do or share, it doesn't mean that they don't exist. There's people on TikTok who are like, oh my God, your reading helped so much and that's a person I wouldn't ordinarily be able to reach or help because they're not in my little vicinity. So that's like another really incredible thing too is just like knowing and trusting that your people are out there because yeah, it's going to create your reality if you believe that no one is into what I'm sharing because no one means no one. So we have to be really gentle and careful with these thoughts because they can become insidious and literally declare everything that we believe to be true. And I want to believe that my art is special and valuable and unique and matters and means something to the world. Julia Cameron in her book The Artist Way talks about this is kind of our gratitude that we are expressing to our creator and our just like at the mere fact that we exist. Like, oh my God, how amazing. Let me just create and express myself. And this is something, too, that I think that capitalism can potentially remove, take away, because when we and as we're seeing now, get sucked into this system of, like, having to work, we are spending time working and earning money for someone else and feeling like we can't express ourselves. And I completely understand that. I say that as a white woman in 2023. I'm just saying that this is a systemic failure that is harming all of us. And I dream of a world where we feel free to express ourselves. And I really think that is a huge piece of rebellion is choosing to express yourself despite everything. So that's a little bit of my social media journey, and, yeah, I'm still dealing with these thoughts. I'm growing my following on TikTok, and I've noticed I'm just, like, looking at my data. Like, I can't stop looking at the data, but if I've learned anything from psychology and research and science is like, data happens over time. And yeah, when in doubt, zoom out. You can't like, if you're so focused on the day to day and what's happening, oh, nothing's changing. Nothing's growing, nothing's changing. My flowers aren't blooming. You're not giving it enough time, and you're just going to be focused and trying to prove yourself right at saying, oh, look, it doesn't matter. Look, I can try to post, and it still doesn't matter. No one likes it. No one, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm tired of these thoughts, and I'm sure you are, too. They're annoying. To say the least, they're annoying. But we are having to unlearn so much. Given the context of my relationship with social media and the Internet, is I've had almost 30 years of forming these beliefs that if no one likes it, it doesn't matter, and it's not good enough. So it's going to take me some time to undo, and it's going to take me time to rebuild new beliefs. And that's what I've been doing lately, too, is like, okay, well, based on this data, what is a positive or beneficial thought I can create or affirm to get me where I want to go if I keep focusing on how many people are not liking it. And that was a big part of my music stuff, too. If I focus on the people that aren't liking it, I'm not paying attention to or sharing my gratitude to the people who do give a shit because we get stuck in numbers. But if there were still 20 people that liked something that I posted, that would be like me talking to a room of 20 people that's still kind of a lot of people. And that's where I think sometimes the Internet gets stuck too, or just like, it's hard to see because 20 seems like a smaller number than 200, but 20 is still a lot of people. Let me check the time. I don't even know if. I know. What time? Oh, 39 minutes. I mean, that's pretty long. That's, like long enough that yeah. So let me know what you experience with social media. Like, what do you think? What are some things that helped you navigate through posting anxiety or what goes through your head when nobody likes it? What are some ways that you cope with feelings of worthlessness or not enoughness? Because I think just with the nature of social media and the social dilemma when they talked about it. But the nature is to kind of prey off of our insecurities. And if we're not careful, if we're not aware of this and mindful of this, then we might get sucked away, or we might become enslaved to this mindset that we're never enough and what we do isn't enough and that we shouldn't create because nobody likes it. It's just a slippery slope, and I think it's something that we navigate as artists and creatives, but we also navigate as humans. Like, social media is a part of our life. We're in the age of Aquarius technology, and social media isn't going anywhere. We're learning how to integrate it and incorporate it in our lives in a way that is conducive to human evolution. And this is probably getting off into another tangent, and I'm not trying to talk about AI, but I think that's just a big example of that. We have all these tools at our disposal, and I believe our success lies in how we can use these tools for growth, for efficiency, and for healing the problems of humanity and society. And I do have a lot of hope and excitement for whatever's happening. I know it feels kind of like it feels like pluto in Aquarius is what it feels like. But, I mean, that's also a positive thing, too, because I think we're realizing we have a bunch of these systems that we don't fuck with and that don't serve us, and it's time that we transform, and it's time that we make something new, something that works, something that benefits us, and something that helps us. So I'm just going to tie the bow there. I think I talked enough about the likes and the dopamine and all that stuff. I mean, I didn't talk that much about dopamine, but if you want to know about dopamine, just let me know and we can talk about dopamine. Let me know what you think. Let me know again how you navigate toxic beliefs and mindsets, how you overcome them, how you navigate numbers, how you what you tell yourself about likes. I love you all so much. Thanks for listening. Again, like I said, I've got a really cool shop in the description linkpop.com. Embrace the madness. You can go to my shopify. You can go to my shopify from there. And then I've got workbooks. I've got a workshop on there, tarot readings. A lot of ways you can work with me, and I'm just so excited. This is my third video podcast. If you love this podcast and you want to watch more, I've got one on kind of my life being sober and 30 and thriving, and then I've also done one on grief, death, chaos. Just kind of how we move through that. And, yeah, if you like all those, those are the only three. These will be the three videos that I have as of right now. But if you want more, my podcasts are on Spotify itunes. Really, anywhere you get your podcast. Embrace the madness. It's like a pink logo. And, yeah, I think that's about it for today. Have a great rest of your day. You are amazing. And I'll catch you later. Bye.