Shedding the Old, Building the New: We're Back, Baby!

Foreign. Hi, everyone. Oh, my goodness. It has been at least a year since my last podcast, but I'm back, baby. Oh, I feel like so much has happened. I feel like I'm probably a different person than the one who recorded the podcast last April. Shout out to everyone listening. Yeah, I think I have had this kind of just pressure that's been building that I feel is directly related to me not podcasting, and I'm realizing that, and I think I kind of was curious about it in the beginning, but I feel like the video podcast was a great run, but at least this phase in my life, I'm more interested in sharing and speaking than necessarily being seen. I think, yeah, it's no big deal to hop on the video, but it's a lot to set up and. And one day I would love to have, like, a designated podcast studio, but for now, we're shifting and that's okay. And if you prefer video, there's still a bunch of awesome stuff. I try to post on TikTok and Instagram as well, but, yeah, it just feels like a season of. Of audio. Yeah. I think I have really missed podcasting, and I think it's one of the biggest benefits that I noticed when I first started back in Holy cow. 2019. Wow. But, yeah, one of the benefits was having, like, a space where I could just unapologetically be me and speak my truth and not really need to worry about anything. And because I haven't created that space for myself, I feel, I guess constipated is the best way to put it. It's like you have all of this energy backed up and nowhere for it to go, and it's just kind of like sitting inside you. And it's one thing to have all these ideas about things I want to talk about or podcasts, but if I never do the podcast or speak about them, then it just kind of stays inside. And I've just been in a phase of my life where I'm practicing transmuting emotion into expression. And for a while, even before the podcast, that was really written expression, written word, I was a journaler, a blogger. The blog is actually what would later become Embrace the Madness podcast. And so I have definitely been in a season of. I guess I've been more into learning how to create expression from emotion through music most recently. And I'm wanting to shift back into more. More words, more spoken words, more sharing my truth. And I don't have to do that. I don't have to do audio to do that. And, yeah, if you Think about it. A year and a half of, of things that I either have maybe wanted to say or wondered how to say and never said or never expressed in my own little safe, conscious container. You can imagine how energetically backed up I might be. So, yeah, I just, you know, my perfectionism comes in and it's like, well, you have to talk about something perfect on your episode back or blah, blah, blah. And you know, if you're a real og, then, you know, I have battled with, and I don't even want to say battled, but I've navigated just like sometimes showing up and sometimes not showing up and, and learning how to love myself and my cycle and my process through it all. Because, yeah, just because you, you don't do something for a minute doesn't mean you, you failed or gave up or quit. I think that is just my deeper wisdom coming through of everything happens in seasons and cycles and even if those are like bigger, grander cycles, they still exist. And, and we can't just expect ourselves to always be on. And that, that really feels like my biggest lesson these past couple of years because sometimes we go through and we don't want to be on and we're actually running ourselves into the ground by believing that we need to stay on. So there's that. But yeah, I just wanted to come back and get my, get my feet wet a little bit, metaphorically speaking, get back into recording. It's nice because I'm just sitting on my bed with a microphone and you know, beauty standards tell us we need to look a certain way, appear a certain way. And you know, I've struggled with insecurity about my physical appearance before, but I also went to an all girls Catholic high school and I never wore makeup, so I'm kind of used to that. But yeah, it's just so nice being able to, to show up to the microphone and not have to feel like I am performing or on. And yeah, if that's not the season that I'm in, then I don't know what else to tell you because I, yeah, I guess I can just start, I guess filling you in on the last year and a half or. I mean, honestly, my life has just changed so, so change. Goodness changed so drastically since moving to Nashville. And that's not by any means to say it's like a bad thing. I just, if you were listening into my episodes when I was still living in Memphis, I was going through a big kind of like it felt like death process or like a shedding. And then I moved to Nashville. And it almost felt like even more shedding. It was like, here, let me take this sweater off. It's like, no, you're actually wearing like 30 sweaters. And that was very unexpected. And, you know, I'm having to really embody what I've learned about letting go and trusting and surrendering to things happening in my reality and my experience, and trusting that it's all been in service of a higher purpose. And whether, you know, I know what that is right now is kind of beyond the point because, you know, things are going to happen in our experience that we might not have much control over. And we get worked up and, and worried about trying to put the pieces back together or, you know, build the tower that's. That's in the process of crumbling. And we're really just working out of alignment at that point and enforcing things that, you know, we. We wish we could save or fix or put together, but it's actually just meant to. To fall apart. And, you know, I think that speaks to a lot of human attachment and suffering, and we feel like we need to cling to our reality in. In safety and know, preservation. But I'm just learning that the best things come when you learn to surrender and let go. And yes, honestly, I didn't even think about doing the podcast that way, but it feels like a perfect segue to, yeah, we have cats now. I think I might have. I don't remember. I haven't done like a big reveal and I haven't really. I just kind of got back into posting online and, you know, I just did a. Or I posted my audio from my live a couple months ago in the launch of my brand new program, the MAD Method. If you haven't checked out that the last episode, it's a really nice. Just me getting on Instagram live and just speaking from my heart and sharing about why I feel like, you know, taking care of ourselves and empowering ourselves is so important and goes on to a lot of really important topics that, you know, I think being able to talk through and podcast helps me get to the root and the truth instead of just holding it all in, because I do have a lot of wisdom to share. And I think that has been a big shedding of my identity of not believing in myself and doubting myself. And yeah, I'm not her anymore and she is not me. She is me and I am her, but she's not driving anymore, if that makes sense. And yes, so back to the cats, because cats, if you're a real og, then you Know that I used to be obsessed with cats and I don't think I ever lost it, but I was obsessed with cats. I was a self proclaimed crazy cat lady. Probably still her. And that's okay. But yeah. So in the process of learning how to surrender and let go, this would have been January of, what's it called? January of last year, 2024. And it was like when the snow was really bad and I think we got like record breaking snow. And Davis and I had been talking about, you know, one day wanting cats or getting a cat or things like that. And he, at his previous job, his boss was like, hey, these cats have been coming to our porch for, I don't know, the last. I don't really think they have a home, but I know you said you were interested in cats. So he was like, baby, can we go meet them? And I was like, okay. You know, I wasn't even thinking about getting cats, but I was like, well, everything I've been learning, if it's meant to be, it will be. And we can go meet the cats and go from there. So we go to meet the cats and immediately when we get there she's like, well, we had a little problem. So Billy's in the house and Coco the mom has been getting followed by some male cats. And what do you know, Coco's not fixed. So I'm in my own brain, like, well, you know, I was considering cats, but. But I wasn't considering a pregnant cat and I definitely don't want a pregnant cat. And so they had brought Billy the kitten inside just to keep him safe and whatever. So we go to meet him and he's so sweet and so snuggly and he's probably like six months old. He's like a little black cat. And we were like, oh my goodness, we have to. We have to. He's so sweet and gentle and loving. And so we were like, okay, we'll, we'll take them. And I think because she had cats and she was like, well, I can't keep them. So it was either keep them outside and granted, again, it was like really cold and snowing or it was about to snow like the next week. And so I'm like looking out the front window and I see a black cat across the street in someone's like, porch. And I was like, I think that I might see Coco and there's like this little orange cat that's like with her pawing out or whatever. And I'm like, oh my God, this isn't happening. So, like, she runs away, the orange cat follows her, and we're like, oh, no. Like, if she's not fixed, and whatever, whatever. Well. And it was like, well, we were supposed to get her, but at this rate, we didn't know how feral she was, and she was probably living outside for the last year. So I just keep going on this spiel of like, well, I don't want a pregnant cat. I don't want a pregnant cat. We don't have the means to take care of four cats. Not four cats. Multiple cats. And, you know, it is what it is. So we were like, okay, well, if y' all end up catching her, y' all can bring her over. And that's all we did. We took Billy home, and he was sweet, and we let him hang out in the bathroom. And I think then maybe it was, like, a couple days later or the next weekend, or. I. I can't remember the timeline, but they were like, okay, we're on the way over with Coco, so I think it was probably a little traumatic how she got transported here. But it's like, how. How else do you capture a cat who doesn't want to be captured? But. So she comes over in, like, a. A trap. And they let her out in the. Well, they put the trap in the bathroom. So we try to let her out of the trap later, and this cat runs up the wall, up the blinds, just starts, like, trying to. I don't know, escape through the window. And it is just. And our bathroom's tiny, so it was just, like. It was just really chaotic and really fast, and we're like, oh, my God. So we try to put her back in the cage. And, yeah, she was not very happy with us. I felt really bad because at the time, we didn't have, like, a dedicated space to her. I think I was still in the process of catifying my room, and then I think Davis was also. We were just both kind of, like, getting ready for cats. Two cats to live with us. And so we had kept her in. She liked this little house. It had, like, a little heated pad, but it was, like, just big enough for one cat. And so she stayed in there for a lot. Now we would go to feed her. She didn't want anything to do with us. She didn't want to look at us. She didn't want to touch us. She wouldn't let us touch her. She didn't. I even tried to, like, stick a little wand toy to see if she would touch it, and she just hissed. And she was not Having it. And I completely understand. I completely understand. And at the time, we really didn't know how old Coco was. We really still don't know how old she was, but she seemed young. I mean, young enough to have. I mean. I mean. And we're assuming Billy was her cat, because they said that they were just kind of like a little pair, and he was little, and he would just follow her. So, like, we're assuming that Billy was her son. Well, I can't remember exactly, but eventually we try getting her out of the bathroom. I think we had moved her into Davis's room, and we would try to go in there and feed her. And usually it was like she would eat the food if we left the room, so we would, like, put it in there. And Davis wanted to be really sweet about it, too. He would be like, well, I'm gonna go read to her. I'm gonna in there with her just to, like, get her used to our presence and get her used to our voices and just really help her feel calmer. Because she was just, I can only imagine, really stressed out while we realize, okay, well, we need to go get her fixed. We had gotten Billy fixed, and at the time we wanted to go to this, it was like a community pet center, and. And they were booked out for a while on appointments to get her spayed. So we booked her an appointment and. Oh, wait, okay. We had tried to take her to this other vet, and they ended up finding out in the process of trying to spay her that she was pregnant. She was pregnant. And I don't know if you heard that little noise, but that was one of the widow babies. So we find out she's pregnant. They say that she's so pregnant that they can't go through a spay, that she just has to have the cats. So of course, I'm like, what in the is happening? Like, I have never had a pregnant cat before. I did not know how we were going to take care of pregnant cats or cats, kittens, whatever. I had just started my new job, I guess it was. We had opened that February, so this was all around the same time. It was. It was so insane. But we ended up seeing her the whole pregnancy through. It was wild. Yeah. I just remember we were feeding her tuna. She probably had so much tuna. And it was crazy, too, because it was like, at the time, we didn't know she was pregnant. And just thinking about how much stress she went through and how much anxiety and hopefully, you know, her getting the nutrients she needed to care for Those kittens in her belly. And I, I really do think that we did the best that we could. And yeah, it was just a lot for all of us. But I just remember one day, like waking up and I heard this, like. And I was like, that is a kitten. And it was so crazy because she had just had those cats and made no noise to our knowledge. And granted, you know, she probably wanted to stay safe and take care of herself. And if she said anything that meant she could be captured by a predator or, you know, anything like that, so I completely understand. But it was so crazy. Like Davis had just gotten a little, tiny, tiny cat tree and she had had the cats in there and she left the kittens in there and then like went over to go in her little thing. And I just remember it was just such a very. It felt very like Animal Planet, National Geographic. Like she just had her kittens and they were tiny and they. All their eyes were closed and. And unfortunately one of them ended up passing. I think he probably was just. And that's another one of those, like National Geographic type things. Like the moms just know when a baby's not going to be able to make it. And. And that was really, that was a really hard time for me because I was just like, why aren't you taking care of your, your offspring, your baby? And you know, it's because I didn't know that she, in her heart, in her biological nature, knew that she needed to care for the other ones. And I don't want to get too, you know, sad or anything into that, but she ended up having four kittens. And at one point in our house, we had six cats. And this was a March, March of 2024. And if that was not a huge lesson in surrender and letting go, like, because that literally, like, what are we gonna do? Just like put this pregnant cat out? Like, we knew we had to take care of him and we ended up adopting two of them out and we kept two of them. So present day we have four cats. Two of them are sleeping. I'm curious if one can hear me, cuz I'm talking right next to them, but they seem to like me talking and things like that. I think I also imprinted on them or however you say it, because they do not like being separated from me. The mom, we still have the mom. Coco's amazing. She's come such a long way and I mean, she still is a little skittish at this point. We've had her for about a year and a half now, but she has come such a long way. They all have, really. And it's crazy. Like, now her cats, the kittens are almost a year and a half, and Billy. Billy's probably a little over two, maybe around two. But, yeah, it's just been such an incredible journey. We had zero cats, and now we have four cats. And it just feels like a. A wild ride. But, you know, I couldn't. We couldn't imagine our life without them. It feels weird knowing what life was like before them because we're just such a little family now. And it's so incredible. And they're so sweet. And I know they really say, like, they come into your life probably when you need them more than they need you, but it definitely feels like it's been mutual. And it has been so amazing having little fuzzy, furry animals that we can love on and that love on us and help us when we're sad or just going through a lot. And it has been so amazing and life changing. And I've shared a picture on, I think, my Matto page of Frankie a little while ago. Oh, yeah. I'll tell you their name. So Coco is the mom. Coco, but she's a black cat. And we're realizing that she's got a little brown, so I feel like she's warming up to her name Coco, like C, O, C O A. And then her son Billy, I guess, is her firstborn. He's also a black cat. And then her second litter, or the litter that she had at our house was Franklin and Howie. And, yeah, I got a weird idea to name him Howie because for some reason, Howie Mandel came in my brain, but that's beyond the point. But he's definitely a Howie, and we love him so much. And. And Frankie. We love Frankie. And yes, we're a happy cat family. Davis is also, like, the first partner that I've had that didn't not like cats, which was interesting because, yeah, I always felt like I was weird for loving cats. And, you know, I don't think there's cat dog, beef, but it really is. Does feel like there's dog people and there's cat people, and I'm definitely a cat people. But, yeah, so we have had these beautiful kitties. It's definitely been an adjustment catifying our house and caring for them. And, you know, they say to have one more litter box than you have cats. So we got. We have definitely more than five litter boxes, but I think we do a good job at keeping things clean and managed. And, yeah, there's such a Joy to have in our lives. And I love that they talk about cats being spiritual protection because I got four cats. But anyways, so yeah, we have gotten cats since we last spoke. I've also played a bunch of incredible shows here in Nashville. Yeah, I played a sold out show at the Mill at Cannery Hall. If you have not heard of it. It's one of Nashville's renowned venues. It used to be, I think Mercy Lounge or like that little complex. But that was incredible playing a sold out show. That was the first sold out show I had ever played. Opening for Alley Cat, who's blowing up literally, astronomically taking over the base scene. And it's awesome to. To be a part of shows where, yeah, people love what they do. The Nashville community has been incredible and welcoming and yeah, it's just been really special getting to meet people and play at venues that I always dreamed about playing and. What else? What else? Yeah, I got to do this pop up show opening for Effin. He did like a little free show here in Nashville in March. That was really cool. It was also in March, so it was around my birthday. Oh yeah. I also released an ep, my first ep, ever, Shadows in Bloom that came out in March. So if you haven't tuned in, it's on platforms. And yeah, that was an incredible experience too. Just, well, learning how to write kind of like I was talking about earlier. Right. And transmute different emotions. A lot of that one was kind of pain and sadness and grief, but really alchemizing those shadows into something that is awesome and creative and an expression of my true self. And yeah, even getting to make money from streams. So that's been insane. And I like. Because I think Beyonce says the best revenge is your paper. And you know, we're not looking for revenge. I'm not really a revenge person or anything like that. But it is cool that I can take something painful and turn it into gold or art or whatever and also make money from it. That. That feels really cool. What else? Yeah, I've just been really trying to write music. I just had a video go kind of viral on Tick Tock. It's like at 21000 views. But I was playing a. An unreleased song that I played at my most recent show in Memphis and that was awesome. Yeah, I just remember sitting on my bed and I was like, I just really want to write a song and I feel like I can just come up with a couple of lines that rhyme and are simple and easy. And little did I know that it actually was very Relatable and resonated with a lot of people. But I've got that song coming out next month on September 5, just in time for the Pisces Lunar eclipse, Full moon party, you know. But, yeah, I'm really grateful to be able to write music that I'm not, like, on going back to the Doubting. But, yeah, I mean, and it's cool because I've also traced my kind of production journey through the podcast as well. Yeah, I started my podcast, the one you're listening to, in November 2019, I believe. And, yeah, it was literally right before COVID and I knew to call it Embrace Madness. But, yeah, that was the same time I was doing that. And my dj, that was when I was starting to first learn how to DJ and teach myself and mix in my apartment. And then, yeah, I never gave up. And, you know, I'm not in my doll, like, all the time. Like, I know there's people who only produce and they're just always doing it, and, you know, they put a lot out. I am not that kind of producer, but I'm still learning to, you know, instead of numbing or seeking out. What is it? Cheap Thrills was a song called that. And so it, like, got in my head. But, yeah, learning how to turn to something productive and positive and transformative instead of something like alcohol or drugs or, you know, something that's not, something that's hollow, something that's not really going to give back. Speaking of alcohol, I will be three years sober in November. That's crazy. October. November. Wait, September. So that's three months. That's insane. But, yeah, that's also been really incredible. I mean, my life's also changed since I quit drinking, which I wasn't really prepared for. But it's only allowed me to become more sensitive to the world around me and feel deeper, which I feel so deeply I didn't know I could feel even deeper. Yeah, my highs are high and my lows are low. And that's been interesting because, you know, sometimes we don't always want to feel how low the lows are. It's great to be excited and full of joy and up in our highs, but, you know, we have to take the good with the bad. And the lows are also equally shitty and low. But it's like the more you go through them, you build this. This fortitude and this armor, and you get to this place where you. You can kind of. It's like you're putting your goggles on, like, you know what to expect. You Know something's coming and you know it's not going to phase you, but you're just preparing and taking care of yourself in the meantime. And that's just what I've been doing. But yeah, three years sober from alcohol. It's been incredible. I highly, highly, highly recommend it. I did a podcast, I think. I guess it would have been around January or. Yeah, just talking about dry January. And if you're looking to go completely sober. But yes, I highly recommend it. Highly, highly, highly. I think that quitting alcohol allows us to tap into this creativity that we have because totally, like, so much self doubt was taken out of the equation when I quit drinking. And I still have a lot of self doubt. You know, I think I'm still rewiring my brain and learning to, you know, trust that doubt is normal and part of the process and not let it faze me or bring me down. But yeah, so cats. Quit drinking. Been doing my job. And granted, my job's been. It's been great. I have been back in the restaurant industry, which I was vehemently, vehemently against when we first moved to Nashville. But it's like, that's my specialty. I've been doing it for 10, 10 years, essentially. Probably longer than 10 years, honestly. Basically since 2011. Damn. Is that 15 years? 15. 32. 15 would be 17. So, yeah, damn, that's crazy. And I don't feel old. And I'm not old. I know I'm 32, but I'm not subscribing to the old. The old thing that everybody talks about, at least not right now. But it's wild thinking that I have 15 years of experience of something. But, yeah, anyways, I. I mean, I'm a Virgo rising. I have service in my blood and in my heart. And I think I just really feel so fulfilled by being kind of like this vessel for someone to have a positive experience. And yeah, the food that we work at is incredible. It's great. I mean, it is waiting tables at the end of the day. But it's also cool because our GM also quit alcohol, weirdly enough around, I think we have like two days. Our quit date was around two days apart, which is wild. But yeah, it. It feels so different from all the other restaurant jobs I've worked at because there's not a culture of drinking after work. Nobody sits at the bar. You know, we close at nine, we finish our work and we go home. And I love that because I get to go home and be with my sweet family and build my business and write my music, and I get to do all of these incredible things. And like I said, it's still the restaurant industry, so there is still, you know, inevitable things. But I've really just been trying to embody and integrate the mindset work that I've been learning and using it to my advantage at my job. And, yeah, I'm just really learning about my brain and how my thoughts connect to my experience and. And how I can actually be the. Be the creator of my thoughts and, you know, create this experience as a result. And, you know, I guess specifically I'm talking about, like, well, ruminating. Ruminating just gets worse when we continue to ruminate. And it's like if I stop ruminating or I stop the negative thought or pattern before it goes, then I can actually create a whole different experience for myself. And so I've joked with myself that it's kind of like my mental playground that I get to, yeah. Play with. And even money, even getting to, you know, receive lots of income and. And getting to kind of play with the energetics of that has been really fun. I wasn't too vocal about it, but I went through this just really dark period financially. Was it the first year we moved to Nashville? I think I was just going through a lot, and I really needed to purge a lot of my limiting beliefs around money and about myself as, you know, someone who earns money and my worth. And I. I didn't have a job for a lot of the time, and I really had to purge a lot of those beliefs and thoughts that I had about what it meant about me and what it meant about my life and just so many things. And I think it's like, of course, when you're deep in that rock bottom, you don't know, but from me being on the other side, I had so much I needed to work through. And I think my time not working really allowed me to move through those painful, painful times and really purge all of that. Yucky, yucky, yucky, yucky. Because now I feel so much better about my money and so much better about my finances. And, you know, I've been paying off credit cards right and left. I've been making purchases that I've always wanted to make. I've been investing in myself, which has been incredible. It's crazy to think I've invested at least $11,000 in myself and my business and just, yeah, educating myself. It's just been. It's been incredible and really wild to think about and consider that I've had the means to do that because I also understand that we're going through a chaotic time in our country and in our world, and that also feels like a dystopian nightmare. But I think that we are in the midst of this old world crumbling and we are in this weird, liminal time of building this new reality. And I think a lot of my death and grieving and shedding of these identities has been connected to who I was in this old world paradigm, this outdated paradigm that we have been living in. And if you are into spiritual stuff, and I have a feeling, if you're listening to my podcast, then probably. But they were always talking about this like divide or this timeline change. And I really do believe it's like for those of us who are invested in this new paradigm, this future, this more altruistic, community based, love based 5D, I guess, if that's what you want to say. 4D the dimensions and learning about dimensions and, and that's something too I've been navigating is like it's one thing to know a dimension, but it's like you have to kind of feel it. You have to like feel it. And I'm having a loss for words because it's like it's feeling. It's not words, but it's like you have to feel its truth. And, and that is something that you achieve, move through once you have like gotten on the other side of linear logical thinking only. And if it makes sense, it will make sense for you. And if it doesn't, then that's okay. You're probably just moving through it now. You know, I think if you're listening to this podcast that you are definitely moving to a higher dimension. Because what I talk about on here is not like old world stuff. This is not, this is not like patriarchal or, or capitalism based. I don't, I don't even know if that's making sense in the way that I want to express it. But if you have listened to my podcast, I'm not talking about these old ways of being. A lot of what I talk about is feeling centered and emotions and living out your purpose. And I think we have been a part of this old world that has not allowed us that space and has not allowed us that space period. And yeah, I really do just have this feeling of our old world is coming to an end. And I don't mean that as like, at least for me, it doesn't feel like the Revelation. Scary Bible, Everything's on fire. Granted, there are places in the globe that are on fire. It's just. It's a lot. And, you know, I'm also aware that we have a lot of privilege in America. I'm also a white female living in America with a lot of privilege. And so I'm aware that I have a completely different experience than a lot of people on the planet. I do believe that we are all a part of this old world, new world, because I don't think you can just not be a part of it. And I don't also want to leave anyone behind. I'm not. Something big that I also have been wanting to talk about and I think deserves its own podcast, is how I do not resonate with a lot of white spiritual creators who are only love and light and who are only, like. Especially the, like, all lives matter. I do not resonate with that, and I do not want to be that. I want to be a different spiritual creator. I want to be one of the white creators who actually give a shit about other people who don't look like me. And I think that that has been something that, you know, I might have been afraid or hesitant to talk about because standing up against white supremacy feels really intimidating. But it's like, I have to move through that, and we have to move through that, because I think that's also part of the old paradigm. And, yeah, I wholeheartedly believe and be the change you wish to see in the world. And whether, you know, Gandhi was a. A psyop or whatever people want to say, like, I still think that change begins within. And I actually am looking at my vision board that I made with, like, a collage that says real change starts within. But, yeah, I want to be someone whose community includes more than just people that look like me, because I know that that's what this world is. And I want to do things and move from a place of love and. And compassion and kindness and progressive thinking, because I think that's the only way that we're going to get out of this. This mess that we're in and this structure that the old world has created for us because it's been so incredible. I've been seeing so many, and maybe it's just my Tik Tok algorithm, but it's just so many people I see are talking about indigenous wisdom, and indigenous wisdom is wisdom from people and cultures who are native to this land, many of which are Native Americans. You know, America was called Turtle island before it was called what it is now. And, yeah, I've just been going through so much identity change. I have been learning about, you know, the horrors of colonization and how that has impacted our entire globe for, you know, humanity's existence. I've been learning how this colonization not only occurs in the globe, but it also occurs in the way we think and the way our entire society is designed and, and the way we are. You know, we're inclined to doubt ourselves and to hate ourselves and ashamed ourselves. It's like, oh, this is just this fucked up way of being and way of thinking, way of relating to the world that was championed by men, white men, who just like completely changed everything when the world was functioning just fine, when people were living in community. And I think when you study nature, you know that, you know, the circle of life and what do they call it, the food pyramid? You know, there's always going to be that. I think it's just insanely insane to realize how sadistic, you know, the colonization of the whole globe has been. But, yeah, people were existing just fine. People were existing just fine and they were connected to the earth and they were connected to nature and something went completely wrong. And it has been just such a process to realize that this version of me, this people pleaser, like, girl identity, this stay quiet, don't speak up, don't cause a scene, don't piss off the men, don't, you know, stress anyone out. It's like this has all been in service to patriarchy and it's just bonkers unraveling it all. And, you know, it's something that people of color and black women have been telling us for so long and we are so conditioned and so socialized to be this. And I've just been going through this whole, I mean, yes, rebirth, but like, awareness of what it means to be a disempowered woman. And now what it means to be an empowered woman as I have been moving through, to become more empowered in my nature. And then I realize how many women are still living these disempowered lives. How many? And this is what I was talking about on my Instagram, live, full circle. But yeah, how many women around me or just in the world are living these disempowered lives where they feel like they have to placate the men around them or the structure around them? And it's sad because it's like, why do you think people are depressed? Why do you think people are struggling? We're living in these identities that were like, created for us and we were told that we needed to fit in, otherwise we would be weird or crazy or whatever adjective they want to Give to us. So, yeah, if you've seen that meme, they're like, whenever someone asks me how I'm doing, I feel like I. I've been going through deaths and rebirths and shadow work and journaling and blah blah, blah and cutting people off and blah blah, blah. But it's much easier to say I'm fine because I really do feel like what I'm saying and what I do in my free time and what I believe is not the norm. And that's not to say no one else is talking about it or practicing it. And I thank God for TikTok because, you know, we feel so isolated and alone. But there's a lot of people who believe what we believe. And there's a lot of people out there in the world, especially Gen Z and Jenna, who care and who give a and who don't like the way the world is and want to see a better future for ourselves. But it feels really good because it does feel like this energy is like growing and, and activating not only in myself, but in so many other people. And that has really been like the crux of me building my business. You know, I was offering tarot readings a couple years ago and I still do tarot. I think I've just shifted and now I am in more of a coaching and teaching space and I think that's where I've always wanted to be. It's just a matter of again, believing in ourselves and believing that we're not crazy and believing that we do have gifts to share and believing that we do have the. This magic that we are supposed to share with one another. Every single one of us has a magic. We've just been a part of a system that tells us we don't and that we need to go to work and that we need to pay our bills and that we need to buy groceries and that we need to pay our taxes. But it's like when you wake up, you're like, who. Who decided this was a good idea? Who decided they were just going to prevent us from using natural resources and then charge us for it? The fact that we have to pay for water, the fact that we have to pay for electricity, the fact that we have to just so many things when you start waking up, you realize is what's wrong with the society. And that's why we have to build a new one, because nothing that's inauthentic can stand anymore. Pluto just moved into Aquarius. We're just moving into more truth. And I feel like that has been what's happening in my own life. Nothing that is inauthentic can stand anymore. And that meant me. People pleasing, putting others before myself, maintaining relationships with things and jobs and people who are not benefiting me. So many different things, these old ways of being. I can't doubt myself anymore. That's inauthentic. That goes against everything of who I am at my core. And if you want to go back to the very beginning of my podcast, I talk about how we are all puzzle pieces of this big, giant puzzle. We are not separate from this higher source energy. We all have this source energy inside of us, in our hearts. And the sooner we can realize that and tap into that, this old way of being will fall away. And we get to be who we truly are before the programming, before society told us all this shit. We get to be who we came here to be. And if you are feeling lit up right now, if you are feeling like, oh, shit, girl, go off, then I think that's something you need to pay attention to because we are all collectively waking up. If you are resonating, this is my work. This is what I am here to inspire you and empower you to do. You have so many gifts and so many talents and strengths. Probably the things that you were shamed about as a child, probably the things that you weren't allowed to do or engage with. It was probably discouraged. You are magic in human form, and you deserve to live a life that. That reflects that and that reminds you of your. Your specialness and your gifts. Because the world that we live in right now, I mean, it's shifting. But what we have known has not been to empower us and support us. We have the freaking makeup industry, the pharmaceutical industry, all of these industries where they make money because of our insecurities or because of our health. And it's like, well, why. Why are you feeding us junk food and then prescribing us medicine to help? You know, like, why are you telling us we're beautiful and then telling us that our skin's not enough and that we need this pore refiner serum, blah, blah, blah. And that's not to say you can't indulge in beauty and makeup. That's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying that this society has built us into these insecure beings who are disconnected from their source, And we are not down with that anymore. We are building our new Earth. And this is an Earth where we are mutually in symbiosis with our Earth and with our Nature and with our natural being. We're not. We're not meant to work all the time. We're not meant to work these jobs and sit in these office chairs. We're not meant to be doing all of the legwork for someone else to be making a shit ton of money. And I'm not saying there's anything wrong with making a shit ton of money. I think that's also part of this new earth is us using a ton of money to make it a better earth. Sharing our resources with each other. Actually doing things to bring change and goodness to the earth instead of creating more plastic to sell that people don't need. If you are lit up by what I was just talking about, we should work together. I think that when we all awaken to this power, we are unstoppable. You have gifts that deserve to be shared. You have magic that you get to harness and share with the world. Because when we are all lit up sharing our magic with each other, the world changes. We are all these like little bouncy light beings that get to have fun and play. Just like the. The critters outside, just like the birds and the butterflies. We also deserve a soft light like that as well. You deserve a soft life like that. You don't deserve to be running yourself to the ground worrying about why you're not good enough. You have more important to do like building your dreams and loving yourself. You have so much more going for you than you realize. And I'm here to help you realize that and help you see that for yourself. I think that is enough of a life update. But I think it was beautiful. My kitty just woke up. Fuenky. I'm definitely gonna post pictures to my Instagram so you can see the lovies. But yeah, if you're ready, ready to work together. I'm ready. I have. Well, we're actually in the middle of the MAD Method. Well, we're more than halfway. I can't even believe it, but the mad method is my 12 week program. I share with you these deep dive trainings into kind of things that I talk about on my podcast. But we go deep. There's reflection, there's meditations. You are not going to be the same person that you are as when you begin the program. You are going to know yourself so much deeper and be so connected to yourself. But I will let y' all know about wait list for the next round if you are like, I don't give a about the wait list, I just want to be in it. And I Don't care if I'm late, I just, I will watch all the replays. Dude, I'm more than happy to have you. You can go to the link in the show notes for this episode. I will post it. And yes, I also, if you are wanting to do some other stuff, I actually do have a free training, a free three day, three day training coming up. We're gonna start August 18th. So that's in about a week, eight days. This is all about planting the seeds. If this, if what I have shared today has kind of opened, opened your eyes, opened your mind, inspired you in any way, come join the free training. I can also post a link to join that in the group. It's just a free telegram group if you like. Listening to my podcast, listening to audios, It's a perfect place for that. You get to press play on the audio trainings. I'm gonna do one for each day. And yes, you will learn how to plant the seeds to build your dream life. You will learn how to plant the seeds, cultivate your garden, how to take care of your garden, your metaphorical life garden that is. I was making it and I was like, I wonder if people are actually thinking I'm talking about planting real seeds, but maybe one day we can do a demo on that. I'm talking about the metaphorical seeds to building your dreams, to changing your life. So again, that's a free group. It starts on August 18th next week and you can join on the link. I also have if you are vibing with this kind of voice note style, listening to me talk, giving you feedback. I also offer telegram coaching. So it's in that app again, we can go back and forth audio only. So you don't, you don't have to worry about showing up on a zoom call. You don't have to perform, you don't have to put makeup on. You don't have to do anything except share your truth. So I offer that in a week long deal and then I also can do a month long coaching package as well. But yeah, I'm just gonna post my whole entire snip feed link in the show notes because that has access to everything. You can listen to my music, you can listen to podcasts, you can check out my programs. I actually have a lot of offerings now in August for this month, I'm offering my one on one intuitive empowerment sessions for $88. And that is an hour zoom call. If you do want to get on Zoom, we can chat face to face about you and your life and what where you're feeling stuck and how we can get you unstuck and on your next steps. But yes, I have so many offerings to help you, guide you, and support you in your journey to becoming your true self and unlearning all of these ways of being that we have been conditioned to learn and rebuilding your life in a way that serves you and serves your community. And yeah, it just leaves you feeling so good and so inspired and so fulfilled and deeply grateful. On that note, I will say goodbye to you all. It has been incredible. I can't believe I just talked for an hour, but that is the magic of podcasting. So thank you so much for tuning in and I will catch you next time. Okay, bye.